When Turnaround Holds Its Breath

Tonight, my chest feels tight. My emotions are swirling.

Not because it is the night before another week of school.

Not because I do not know what to do tomorrow on Day 1 of testing.

But because I know exactly what is at stake.

As a TOSA and the leader of our AZELLA testing team, my mind keeps circling the same questions again and again. Did I do enough to prepare them? Are the teachers ready? Are the students ready? Are they all prepared to do their best?Could I have done more?

This test is not just a test. In a turnaround school, it never is.

It becomes a marker. A mirror. A moment people outside the building use to decide whether what we are doing is working.

And that pressure sits heavy.

We have done everything we know how to do. We planned. We trained. We adjusted. We retaught. We encouraged. We aligned instruction, studied data, practiced routines, and coached confidence. We motivated students in ways that went beyond academics, partnering with our local NBA team to send a message of encouragement and remind our students that grit matters, effort matters, and giving your best matters.

We wanted them to feel seen, valued, and capable.

We wanted them to know we believe in them!

Our principal went above and beyond, meeting with every single student taking the test. Sitting with them. Showing them last year’s results. Breaking the data down into something concrete and human.

Here is where you were. Here is where you can be. Here is how many points you need. Not to pressure them, but to empower them.

And still, I wonder.

Will it be enough? Will the kids respond?

This is the part of leadership no one really prepares you for.

You can do all the right things. You can support teachers relentlessly. You can plan every detail. You can believe deeply in the work.

And then, at some point, you have to let go.

You instruct the teachers. The teachers instruct the students. And then you turn over the reins and let the kids show whether it stuck.

That handoff is terrifying.

I am anxious for the teachers. I am anxious for the kids.I am anxious for the school. I am anxious for the district.

Because in a turnaround school, growth is not abstract. It is personal. It is proof. It is hope. It is validation that the long days, hard conversations, and relentless belief in students actually matter.

This is the load leaders carry quietly.

And here is the truth I do not always say out loud.

Underneath the surface, I am an anxious mess.

But tomorrow morning, I will be at the door.

I will greet teachers with their testing binders, fully prepared. Snacks and treats to keep them going. I will smile. My voice will be calm. My confidence will be steady.

Because that is what they need from me.

Just like they will greet their students at the door steady, reassuring, and believing even if their own nerves are humming underneath.

Leadership is not about being fearless.

It is about carrying the fear without passing it on.

It is about believing in your people loudly even when doubt whispers quietly inside you.

At the end of the day, this is not about numbers on a spreadsheet. It is about students. Their growth. Their confidence. Their belief that they are capable of more than their past performance.

And if nothing else, I know this. We showed up for them.We believed in them.We did right by them.

Sometimes, that has to be enough while we wait for the results to catch up to the work.

This is the messy, human, unscripted part of turnaround leadership.

Tonight, I am sitting right in it.